I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
