I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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