I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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