Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
