he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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