im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
