Define "chronic" masturbator.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
