Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
