Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
