I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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