dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
