Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
