R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
