I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
