It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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