hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
