i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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