I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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