On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
