You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
