No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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