i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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