i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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