Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
