Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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