Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
