oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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