Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
