What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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