Buhtt sex?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
