Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
