I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
