Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
