Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
