That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
