So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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