It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
