Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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