3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
