the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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