Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
