I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
