Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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