No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
