YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
