it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
