I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
