I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
