oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
