I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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