Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize