once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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