I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
