Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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