cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
