Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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