can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My breasts were aching with rage.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
