Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
