I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
