He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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