dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Houston, we have a squirter
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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