I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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