I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
