the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
