Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
