i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
