Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
