just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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