No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm really busy with my period
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