So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
