Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
