Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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