matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize