Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
